Milo

Milo
Is that a smile I see before me?

Monday, September 24, 2007

TV killed the radio star

I’ve been trying to imagine what your life will be like when you grow up. When I was 10, my brother got his first computer, and we thought Pac-Man was the height of technological sophistication. We’d put cassettes into our BBC computer and listen to the ‘eeeee-aaawww’ as the games slowly, laboriously loaded. And then we’d play, for hours, the same game over and over again.

This first taste of technology converted Tim (Uncle Tim to you), and he got so bitten by the technology bug that he now earns gazillions as a computer wunderkind down in Cambridge. As for me, I threw computers over for books and poetry and mournful music. I was more interested in hanging out in parks with unsuitable boys, bunking off school and reading Bukowski.

(Now, don’t be getting any ideas: if I even catch you thinking about bunking off school, I’ll march you to the gates and back and every day. Wearing my most embarrassing outfit and giving you big wet kisses in front of your friends.)

Anyway, although I learned binary code at school, it never really did anything for me. I didn’t go near a computer again until university. The internet was so slow I’d take a book with me when surfing the web; it took me so long to type out my dissertation that I got a crick in my neck; and I didn’t get a mobile phone until I was 24. And in my first job, we debated whether DVDs would ever take off.

I was thinking about all this (mainly about how you’re not going to be allowed a TV or PC in your bedroom, as it happens), when I came across this interview with Ian Brown:

‘My kids laugh at me when I tell them about life when I was 14. They say "Go on dad, tell us again". There was no Walkmans, videos, Nintendo or Xboxes, no internet, no mobiles. No computers. No DVDs. There were only three TV channels. They cry laughing.’

‘But it made us hungry and thoughtful. And we had great things like the Sex Pistols. We're breeding a generation who won't invent anything. They've got everything. They're stimulated all day and they're never bored. I think there should be an hour of total boredom every day for all kids.’

Or, to put it another way: necessity is the mother of all invention. Prepare to be bored, baby…

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Dad rocks

I’ve lost sight of my feet and my belly button’s not far behind. Any day now said button will pop out, most probably when you wave your arse in the amniotic air, giving it no place else to go.

And these days my stomach moves all by itself, depending on whether you’re doing star jumps, line dancing or just plain old run-of-the-mill kicking. Despite what any mother earth type might tell you, this is not all altogether pleasant experience. It’s like something out of Alien. I keep telling you as you press your face up against my skin: there’s only one way out, son, and it ain’t through my belly button…

Despite my increasing rotundity (how did my thighs get so big??), I’ve decided to get myself to The Aftershow later. It’s a new club night that launches at Sankeys this very evening. That hippy hairy band are playing (The Magic Numbnuts or somesuch) as well as The Ting Tings and about a thousand other bands. Clearly, the youth will poke me with a big stick for a) being old b) being preggaz and c) being there, but I don't care! I can still pretend I'm with the kids, even when I’m, er, with kid.

Last night, Simon (AKA ‘Dad’) was reading about this year’s Mercury Award winners.

‘I’ve no idea what the Klaxons sound like, I’ve not a clue who Bat For Lashes are and only the vaguest idea about Amy Winehouse, and that’s only because she’s always in your magazines.’

He looked up, shrugged and said, ‘Dad rock rules!’

I think we may as well embrace our parental status now. I mean, we need to get in some serious practice if we’re to humiliate you with our crap dancing, misuse of slang and attempts to wear skinny jeans/leggings/braces/jodhpurs/clown hats or whatever else is in fashion come your teenage years. Now hang on while I dance round the living room to the latest sounds from the Hit Parade…